Category Archives: Journal

Pick up a Pen & Put it on a Paper

Writing journal entries was a habit of mine. In fact, I used to do it on a daily basis that it’s almost difficult for me to sleep at night and end the day without having written about my thoughts and experiences in my journal. I loved how writing makes me recognize my thoughts and my feelings.


(credits to the owner of this photo, who I don’t, know coz I just randomly grabbed it)

You see, nowadays, we just tend to go on with our daily struggles and deal with different kinds of situations without noticing how much each of them may have affected us internally. We are so used to just push aside whatever negative emotions we have like fears, anxiety, apprehensions and sadness because that’s what people around us expect for us to do; they expect to always see us on the best version of ourselves. Why? Let’s admit it, life per se is hard enough for all of us. So, we would feel like we need to keep our problems to ourselves because we can’t burden others anymore when, in fact, they’re dealing with so much bullshit by themselves already (FOR THOSE  WHO THINK LIKE THIS, THIS IS NOT TRUE AT ALL- ANY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ARE ALWAYS VALID SO DON’T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF).

In reality, we can’t even share about those things anymore for the fear of being judged and called immature, overly dramatic and emotional. So, instead of acknowledging them, we choose to ignore them and just live without really feeling alive, but, for me, that’s not good at all. If I simply ignore my thoughts and feelings, I know that I’m not being fair to myself. It’s not healthy if I just let the emotions eat me, and I can’t bear the thought of letting the negativity swallow my entire being, slowly killing my heart and my soul until it can no longer feel anything. I’m not a therapist or a psychologist nor am I a professional specializing in this kind of field, but I know for a fact that it’s not healthy to keep  things to yourself, especially not those things that constantly bug your mind and tend to put you in a state of anxiety, depression, and self-depreciation.

Acknowledge the fact that you are feeling sad, anxious, lonely, etc., but never succumb to these emotions. Let it all out. If you feel a bit insecure and uncomfortable of sharing it to others, then you can always get your pen and write it all out on a paper.

I did say that writing WAS my habit. Well, it still is, but not as much as it used to be. Does that make sense? I mean I just didn’t write as much as I used to before. It’s been a while since I ever had that feeling of needing to constantly grab my pen and journal notebook. Maybe it’s because of what I said in the previous paragraph that we tend to neglect our own thoughts and feelings because we’re too consumed on what we’re going through  like our careers and jobs, perhaps. No matter what we do though, there will always be some sort of stressors that may come along the way,  and we can’t just shut it out of our system and ignore it because, believe me, in the long run it will eventually take its toll on us and all the pent-up feelings  will come bursting; when that time comes, I just know it will be ugly. So, just for some sort of damage control or an alternative outlet to release stress or repressed feelings, I take the pleasure of pouring out everything through writing.

Writing journal or writing in general, for me, is fun. Just like listening to music or reading a good book, it takes me to a different place, somehow, but at the same time it also keeps me grounded and aware of how I truly, deeply feel.


Moving On

I cried enough tears, but I still can’t get the painful feeling off of my chest.  One time you talked to me as if you can’t live without me, and then the next time you acted like you don’t even want to see me. You’re troubling my heart, my poor heart who only wants to feel loved and cherished. Although I know this is just a temporary feeling. Is it too much if I to ask you to tell me you’d stay? Even if it’s just pretend, even if you don’t mean it, please tell me you’re sorry. I’m only asking you to say those words,  those meaningless words. If not, then just tell me you never did love me; by then I would learn to accept it, that everything was just a plain memory. How I wish that I wouldn’t feel so confused until now. Even if you don’t care anymore, please help me forget, help me move on, and let’s say our farewells to each other.

Believe in yourself

Our university intramural week is coming to its end. Ever since my first year in college, I seriously wanted to join a team of any sport to represent our college during  the intramural sports contests. I do play various sports like badminton, basketball and softball, but I just think that I’m not that good enough to be in a sports competition. A lot of my friends already tried to persuade me, but I just could not get the courage to say yes. Next year will be my last year (hopefully), I still want to experience becoming an athlete. I want to get out of my shell, to break free from my comfort zone, and  to prove to myself that I am capable of doing something great. I need to start doing what I really wanted to do in the first place, and on doing that I need to start thinking that I am good enough and my talent too. So I will put everything in God’s hand.

Thy Will Be Done

Lots of things happened within this semester. To me, it’s a lot to take in. So many lessons are learned and will be learned in the future. I realized that it is not just about good time management or getting things done; nor it is to be happy, to get better, to do well, or to  be loved, but it is to have Jesus within you. After all, He will guide your footsteps if only you are willing to move your feet.

So after meditating for a while, I came across this quote by Robin Williams. It can be interpreted differently though. It says,

You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren’t paying attention to.

Lazy Ms. Lazybone

i just had a talk with my father on the phone. He asked me if i’m okay, and I said “I think I’m having a migraine.” Then all of a sudden he reacted by saying a lengthy lecture about me diagnosing myself of having these and that, when in fact I’m not even a doctor and that maybe I’m just exaggerating my own condition. At first, I was really annoyed and upset and I just thought, how can he not understand and get the fact that my head is really hurting like hell?

But then in the middle of his lecture, I started to catch up on what he was really trying to say. My father talked about how I would immediately stop myself from doing anything and getting myself feeling low just because of my slightly terrible sickness (like cold, fever, headache, etc.). I admit it, he’s right. Sometimes, I do exaggerate things just to make an excuse and to be able to escape from doing anything, which usually involves my studies. Bottom line is, no matter what the circumstance you’re into right now, do not make it as an excuse and a reason to feel down and unproductive, instead, make it as an inspiration and a reason to strive harder and move forward.

Right after the phone call ended, I thought about everything that my father said. I recalled how a simple question of “How are you?” had turned into striving hard and moving forward. I was amazed of how my father knows me, it’s like he can read my mind. Honestly, I was about to sleep without even having my assignments done and like I reasoned-out, it is because of my headache, which is pretty much bearable, by the way. Now I’m up and still awake; by the moment I’ll click the publish button, I’m going to turn my laptop off and do my homeworks. Thank you so much for reading!

PS: With all these lengthy text, it all boils down to laziness. Oh, dear me…